Crashing and Burning
by ookami-san
Summary: Tony wasn't sure how they'd gotten to this point, or how they'd started six months ago, but he knows he's about to bring it crashing down around him. Frostiron. Tony/Loki. Angst/Romance. One-shot. Rated M for suggestiveness.


Tony wasn't sure how it had happened. I mean, of course he knew the _events_ that had led to he and Loki tumbling into bed one evening (Or morning, really, if you're as facetious as Loki) but Tony still couldn't wrap his head around it all. He had known at the time i was a dumb idea. He'd known that if they were found out he could pretty much expect a 300% increase of drama and bullshit in his life, courtesy of SHIELD, but he wasn't ever really one to care about the consequences.

Now however he was going to something even _more_ dumb, and he couldn't seem to stop this either. He really had not foreseen this outcome when, on the first night he silently startled awake from a nightmare. On nights he'd woken like this with someone else in bed he'd get up, go to the workshop, and have JARVIS kick them out without him ever laying eyes on them again.

This time however, he woke, pupils wide and dilated, breath fast and harsh, and a gleam of sweat covering his body and he didn't get up. In one way he wasn't sure if Loki would kill him if he woke them. Who knew if gods were morning persons? In another way the thing occupying his mind was laying right beside him, there was no desire to go an tinker, but Tony was trying to pull Loki apart where he lay with his mind alone.

This had been such a terrible idea, he'd probably re-awaken dead, the arc reactor torn from his chest, and no trace of the warm eyes of last night. Tony wondered why. Even for Loki this wasn't the best idea. If he were trying to weasel in and break up the Avengers, well, Tony was the last person he should have tried. Maybe the easiest to get into bed, but other than Bruce he had no true friends in the other Avengers. So instead Tony sat there and stared and contemplated the god in the dark, and somewhere along the line it became about darker musings- his father, his breakup with Pepper, and before he could get much further into his musings, emerald eyes drew him from his thoughts.

For a second his heart had raced, thinking he was about to die, but then his rational mind caught up to him, and he could not see murderous intent in Loki's eyes.

Tony had meant to say something sarcastic, but he found he had, for once, nothing to say. Between his prior musings, and the enchanting quality of the eyes before him, he simply couldn't think of anything to say, so he didn't. Just stared back at those eyes, wondering how fucked up he was too. He'd heard bits of the stories, done a little research (JARVIS had done the research, really. He'd just read the offered material,) and he'd seen glimmers of it in their fights, but he was sure others had seen all of that too, and there wasn't a soul in the world who really knew how fucked up he was. Not even Pepper.

He supposed the god had had enough staring because the next thing he knew there were cold lips on his, but hot hands leaving scortching trails down his body. Thoughts other than those damnable... talented hands and the mind numbingly dextrous mouth of the god fled Tony's brain faster than... oh hell he couldn't even think of an adjective here, but that _mouth._

_**88888888BREAK8888888**_

The next morning he'd awakened to a cool bed and a still-beating heart with nothing to tell of the night before but the black hairs he'd find nestled in his sheets. He'd thought it would end there, that his sheets would get washed and then that would be it. The last he'd see Loki off of the battle field, or perhaps at all.

But the thing was, here he was six months later, still seeing the god in these meetings. Only, they'd become more than sex. Don't get him wrong, there was still _lots_ of sex, but now Loki stayed for a few days on end, they went to dinner, they cuddled, they talked about... everything, hell they worked on his suit repairs and modifications too. SHIELD probably wouldn't be terribly happy with that but at this point if Loki wanted to kill him he didn't need to enchant the suit to do it.

And now Tony knew he was about to fuck it up. He was going to bring it to an end even though he desperately wanted nothing more than to stay in these moments forever. He was an idiot. He couldn't leave well enough alone. No, because last night he'd sat up thinking, sorting through his emotions for Loki in the darkest hours of the am, when he'd realized he'd fallen in love. Maybe it wasn't quite the same feeling as he'd had for Pepper- because he'd certainly loved Pepper. She was his first love, and he'd been sure when they ended it would have been his last.

He had hoped it was his last because he realized he just couldn't do it. He wasn't made to love and be loved. For a relationship to work he had to be able to tear down all of his walls, let down his guard, _fully_ let someone in. And he just couldn't do it. Not even for _Pepper_. He had tried, he had, he'd drunk himself into a near-coma, he'd gone cold turkey for months trying to let down those last walls, to let her in because he had needed her like nothing he had ever needed before, but he couldn't do it.

They both knew it, and from there it had slowly crumbled, building up new walls for Tony and setting him partying harder than ever. He thought perhaps it wasn't that he couldn't open up more and give more, but that that was all there was too him. The only thing those last walls guarded was the emptiness in him. He'd never been loved really, so perhaps it made sense that that part of him just never grew in.

Just because he'd had a heart didn't mean it wasn't broken and torn and incomplete.

He didn't want to go through this again. He didn't want to put Loki through his inability to love in the proper way because he knew that Loki needed to be loved, needed to be treated right by at least one person in his life. Tony wanted to be that person, but he knew the minute he confessed his love to Loki, that he'd be setting Loki up for heartbreak when he realized Tony couldn't give him enough.

Tony also knew he wouldn't be able to keep his mouth shut, to keep this emotion in. Part of it was selfishness, he wanted to badly for Loki's returned affections, and part of it was simply the fact that he knew it would bubble out. Those lips would touch his, and he'd get that jittery feeling in his stomach and he just wouldn't be able to help himself.

This sucked. Hell, Tony wasn't even sure Loki would return his affections. Perhaps Tony would say it and Loki would give him that disgusted look and he'd only see Loki when he did use those suit modifications against him. Or he'd simply never see Loki again. Loki would take up residence in Texas, or Niflheim, or anywhere Tony wasn't and that would be that.

And in a way, Tony was hoping for that outcome, because it would save them both watching all of this crash and burn around them. Maybe Loki would just kill him on the spot, and he couldn't feel guilty for doing it himself. He'd gotten low, too, on more occasions than he'd care to count, but somehow whenever he started down that path these last few months Loki had shown up then, or if he couldn't, he'd texted Tony, or Tony would feel that tingling at the base of his spine that signaled Loki's magic.

_**888888BREAK8888888**_

Tony was sitting on the roof, mulling over all of these things, reliving some of his favorite moments (like Loki not turning off the beater before removing it from the cake batter and covering both of them and the kitchen in batter. The cake had gone uncooked while they'd rutted on the sticky floor.) and in the next thought hoping Loki killed him or left him like everyone else eventually did.

It was lost in these thoughts and moment that he felt that tingling pull at the base of his spine, and found himself joined by the God of Mischief, who without words sat next to him, intending to let Tony finish his thoughts out, and to think some himself.

Tony tried to keep his thoughts on his shortcomings, his failures, but inevitably they all turned to Loki. Good moments, and stuff decidedly happier than the thoughts he'd be entertaining for the last few hours. Unable to hold on to his worries he let them go. What would be would be, right?

With a small audible sigh he leaned against Loki, resting his head on his shoulder but said nothing, letting the god finish his own thoughts before they would talk or do whatever have you for the evening.

It didn't take terribly long before the God's normally rigid posture lost some of its tightness and he melted into Tony so that they were leaning against each other. Loki made the first move, and angled Tony's face with his hand so that he could place a chaste kiss against his lips - and there was the busload of butterflies fluttering in his stomach.

One kiss became two, and then, four, and soon they were just leisurely kissing one another until Tony's distinct need of air became apparent and they broke apart, Loki's green eyes sparkling with... contentment?

That's when it happened, when Tony breathily whispered against the god's neck in a volume that _maybe_ the god had missed,

"I love you."

The god didn't react at all, so perhaps he hadn't heard over their panting. He didn't go stiff, or rigid. There was no indication he'd heard at all. Tony thought perhaps he hadn't heard and that his secret was safe until the next time those cold lips met his.

And then he was on his back, Loki straddling and pinning him down with tumultuous green eyes blazing into Tony's. Those green eyes searched Tony's for something, and Tony knew he'd heard and that perhaps they had a few good months left but that this was the beginning of the end.

"Do you mean that?"

The question took him by surprise. It wasn't the instant recoil of disgust, nor was it the giddy return of affections, or the suave '_i know' _ from the movies. It was lost and perhaps hopeful, but perhaps horrified.

"Do you mean that?"

Tony winced at the octave Loki's voice raised. He wasn't screaming, but he knew that tone meant business.

Well. No turning back now, he guessed. He'd enjoy it to the end, and then drink himself into a coma after.

"Yes. I guess i have the hots for leather or something."

"Oh shut up."

And then Loki's lips were on him and they were both colder and hotter than Tony had ever felt them be. They were fervent but so far they weren't lustful, necessarily. They were reverent and searching and longing and a million other words, like they were burning Loki's insides onto his skin.

Tony had to warn him though, he had to tell him that he was missing pieces, broken, and that one day they'd fall just like he and Pepper had.

"Loki"

The gods sharp eyes found his, and they were burning with some emotion, madness or love, and Tony couldn't tell the difference- both in himself and in Loki. Tony opened his mouth to spill out what had worried him the whole day, when a finger on his lip silenced him.

"I will not say this often, so listen close and cherish this. I love you too, Tony."

And then lips replaced fingers and Tony found himself crying because he didn't want to destroy the man above him. He did and didn't want to hear those words. Sensing his distress Loki stopped and stared, letting Tony talk in his time. And Tony did talk.

He told him about Pepper, about not being complete, not being able to give enough, not being enough, not wanting to hurt him, he told Loki every sour thought that had crossed his mind in the last few hours, and when he was done he felt both hollow and full. He had stopped crying long ago, and really a few tears did not justify calling it _crying_.

For a long time Loki just looked at him, molten eyes tearing Tony down and building him back up a thousand times a second. And then the God laughed, a short breathy laugh, and he kissed Tony again and then rested his head on his chest.

"Then let it be good until it does end. I need no more than what we already had, i need no platitudes of love, and i will not give them often. I need no more than you already are Tony, because i myself do not know how much more i have of myself to give."

And it was simple and eloquent and so entirely Loki that Tony couldn't help but chuckle.

What a mess they were. They supposed they were a beautiful mess though. So they kissed again, and this time the fervent worship of Loki's mouth was not even remotely chaste, but burned the places he touched with an intensity they had not reached before.

One day, and probably soon SHIELD would find out. Neither had doubts about the obstacle, but they knew they'd face it together, and they'd rip the world apart together if that's what it took.

And if they did come crashing and burning down then at least they'd done all they could, the broken creatures that they both were, and likely they'd take the world down with them.

**888888END888888**

So, this idea grabbed hold of me last night and simmered as i slept i suppose, because when i woke up i hung up some avengers posters, and then i sat down and wrote this. I haven't even eaten yet, i just needed to write.

It took on a bit of a life of it's own and became much longer than i had intended, but oh well. I'm also currently working on a multi-chaptered, multi-fic frostiron story, but I intend to get the meat of it written before i begin posting to help keep me from leaving off like i've done before.

For whatever reason I seem to have the worst time with formatting on FF, so if italics morph into the words before or after, or the page breaks die i don't know what else to do to fix that. I use google docs to write all of this in, so im sure that has something to do with that buuuut it's all i have right now.

Alright. Please Read and Review. I haven't written a lot so comments help keep my morale up that i've anything worth writing.

-Paranoia


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